Child Rearing

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:6, 15, KJV).

Comments today are not a treatise on how to rear children. That is a whole study in child psychology. But herein will be some thoughts on child rearing using the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and claiming the promise given with Proverbs 22:6.

Parents have a grave and serious responsibility. The ideal is for a couple to have children out of love and respect for one another and to follow God’s plan for family life. As a rule, there is great happiness when an innocent baby is born into a family. There is anticipation for what that child can grow up to be and what he/she can become in life. Grave responsibility falls on the parents to bring the child up in a godly way. The writer of Proverbs was in the “old school” of not sparing the rod. Modern psychology has found means other than application of physical punishment to curb children’s wayward behavior. To correct and guide children is the responsibility of the parents. It takes discipline to “grow up” a well-rounded, good, responsible citizen from the little bundle of joy that first graces a cradle in the home.

To be able to train up a child in the way he should go, parents themselves must be disciplined and practice the teachings of God’s Word. To have adequate role models to follow is one of the best teachers. Everyone learns by example. Combine good example and good guidance with much prayer for the children entrusted to their care and upbringing, and parents will be following through on the Lord’s plan for training children. A good church family and good schools can and do help tremendously in the tasks of child rearing. And what we term “tough love” is necessary for proper nurture and growth. The Message Bible is clear on Proverbs 22:6 and 15: “Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. Young people are prone to foolishness and fads; the cure comes through tough-minded discipline.” Hold onto the promise that with the proper foundation and teachings, the child will come back to the basic principles he learned at his parents’ knees. Now, in retrospect, I see this fulfilled time and time again. Selah!

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Friday, July 23, 2010

Reputation, or a Good Name

“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.” (Proverbs 22:1, KJV)

A very strong emphasis was put on “a good name” in the community where I grew up. To have the commendation “He or she has a good name” meant that the person’s character was sterling, that behavior was good, that the person’s word was dependable and truthful.

Another saying we lived by was, “Remember where you are from.” When it was time for me to go away to college, my father talked to me again about reputation and making right choices. He somehow instilled in me the strong idea that if I failed to measure up to expectations of family, church and community, I would let not only him but the whole community down. Therein was the philosophy that it takes a whole village to rear a child and engender a “good name”.

These concepts were based to a great degree on memorizing and seeking to live by Proverbs 22:1: “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Even more favorable than riches is a good reputation, a good name. Trustworthiness lies at the center of character. We didn’t have Eugene Peterson’s The Message Bible (c2002) back in Choestoe during my growing-up years, but his rendering of Proverbs 22:1 fits my father’s teaching quite well: “A sterling reputation is better than striking it rich; a gracious spirit is better than money in the bank.”

The well-known pastor and Christian writer, Tony Campolo, states in Who Switched the Price Tags?: “Having a good reputation is wise. People should desire to have a good name, not because this brings status but because it honors God.” In the midst of life, we don’t think too often of death and our departure from this life. But think about your obituary. Will you have a portion of a newspaper column listing all your titles and awards in this life? Or will you leave behind those who say that you made a difference, that your life counted for God and for others? Remember that a good respected name does not always mean one of wealth or status in society. Stature is better than status. Righteous living, giving to others and serving God faithfully should be the aims of a making a good name.

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Thursday, July 22, 2010

Improving Family Relationships

“It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace. Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:2, 13-14, 18, 26-27, NIV).

Yesterday’s devotional spoke of the delight of finding a spouse and God’s intention of promoting permanence of the marriage relationship. Proverbs 19 has several bits of admonition on how to improve family relationships.

How we operate in families should be tempered with sound judgment and solid knowledge. Zeal and enthusiasm, although highly desirable, cannot produce right relationships without the leveling influence of applied wisdom. Each family member is taught responsibility and cooperation. Any household with a wayward foolish child will have a mountain of problems with which to deal. Likewise, a nagging and quarrelsome wife (or either spouse, for that matter) is like the irritation of a constantly dripping faucet or drain. Turn it off and soon it begins to leak, to drip again.

There is always room for financial improvement in family relationships. Statistics show that a very high proportion of marriages dissolve over disagreements on finances. If a family inherits from parents (as used to be the case in Biblical days, and sometimes so even in present day society), the inheritance is to be used wisely. But on the other hand, even though material goods sometimes come down from parents, they cannot provide a good wife for the son (or a good husband for the daughter). That “finding” and joining must be from the Lord. Likewise, any children who would seek to rob or otherwise undermine the possessions of their parents are standing on the brink of shame and disgrace. Or if the parents grow old, need special care, and the children are unresponsive to their needs, this, too brings shame and disgrace on the family, and social services must step in or else the parents die neglected and abandoned.

Discipline is a part of good family relationships. We know quite well the admonition, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Lack of discipline could lead to death of the child if he engages in daresome behavior about which he has not been taught the dangers. Right instruction is necessary to discipline, but the aim is to work toward self-discipline. Improving family relationships covers a broad spectrum of human love and care.

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Monday, July 19, 2010

Seek Wisdom

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:1-6, NIV).[Read Proverbs 2]

Solomon addresses his son and pleads with him to seek wisdom and apply it so that he can gain understanding, insight and discernment. He begins with a conditional proposition “If you…” Then he balances the statement by showing the results of the pursuit: “Then you will…” Written in Hebrew poetic form using parallelism, Proverbs give a beautiful balance of cause and result, action and reaction. Wisdom is to be sought out diligently as one would seek for treasures of silver and gold. Moreover, the search will be rewarded with a fear and reverence for God and the gifts of wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

The world always offers enticements to draw us away from God. We have the choice: seek wisdom or seek the world’s way. If we choose the world, we deserve the destruction we will eventually experience. Later in chapter two, Solomon further uses the poetic device of personification to show the enticements of evil—a woman of allure who lies in wait to overcome any who seek her. But wisdom is personified as saintly and good: “Wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you” (Proverbs 2:10-11).

We are to ask for wisdom from God and He will grant it. He will give us discerning minds and knowledge of His ways. Wisdom is the gift of God. God speaks through the awakened mind and heart of a believer to lead him/her to truth and understanding. What a gift is wisdom! As we read the Word of God, meditate upon its precepts and seek to find the vast wisdom God has for the sincere seeker, He will gift us. Just as Solomon addressed his son in this Proverb, so we have a responsibility to tell others. The Psalmist declared our responsibility to teach others: “One generation will commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4). Therefore, fear God and seek wisdom…and tell others.

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Children and Parents

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-4, NIV).

To be parents is one of the most sacred duties God assigned to humankind. To Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden God said, “Be fruitful and increase in number…” (Genesis 1:28). With the privilege of parenthood comes also responsibility. Parents are to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). From an early age, children are to be kindly but firmly disciplined by parents who are consistent and in agreement about how they will rear their children. Paul reminded children that obedience and honor are due to parents, and with that respect for parents comes the promise of long life and well being for the children, the promise contained with the fifth commandment (see Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16).

Then parents—especially fathers, as Paul was writing in an age when precedence was given to the male-led household—are not to “exasperate” or trouble their children but deal with them in a loving and disciplinary manner that will be according to the “instruction of the Lord.” A large order, indeed! “Training” is from the Greek word paideia which denotes personal guidance, example, instruction and discipline. Fathers, who should have the major role in leading a family, should not incite their children to anger, frustration and fear but lovingly guide them by God’s precepts.

Paul gives the ideal patterns for children and parents in Ephesians 6:1-4. But what if that pattern is not found enough in our modern-day society? What if fathers have abandoned their role as leader of the home? What if mothers must work to make a living as well as care for and nurture children? What if both parents are absent and elderly grandparents, foster parents or the state must then assume responsibility for children? Unfortunately, these are conditions of the days in which we live. Sometimes the church and caring teachers can make a difference and spark hope within children. Those of us who know the ideal position of the home can have influence through example, prayer, instruction and admonition to bring about a change in family life and in child rearing. Let us pray for and work toward the “right” way to have responsible family relationships. Our future social hope depends on it.

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Thursday, June 24, 2010

Labor and Children, Blessings from the Lord

(Theme: Selections from the Psalms—Faith Set to Music)

“Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain…Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is His reward.” – Psalm 127:1, 3 (NKJV. Read Psalm 127).

How full of wisdom is this short psalm! Solomon is the author, that King noted for writing some Psalms and Proverbs. A notation calls this one “A Song of Ascents.” This term could read “A Song of Degrees.” In Hebrew temple worship, it is one of the “ma’aloth” or “going up” songs. Jerusalem was completely surrounded by mountains. From whichever way worshipers approached, they “went up” to the temple at Jerusalem. As they approached, they sang, sometimes antiphonally, or one group singing one statement and the other group answering with the next. It could also refer to the steps of the temple on which the Levites stood to sing songs such as this one. At any rate, it was a worship song, a wisdom psalm, and one frequently used in literally “going up,” whether geographically or on the fifteen steps leading from the court of the women to the court of Israel in the Temple.

The wisdom deals with labor and children—both of which are blessings from the Lord and both of which should be considered as we worship.

In our building (a synonym for life), God the Sovereign Architect, should be consulted. Otherwise, our building is in vain. In keeping guard at the city gates, dependence on God the Protector is necessary. It is foolish to labor so much and be so concerned about results that one cannot sleep. “For He gives his beloved sleep” (Ps. 127:2). Work hard, give an honest day’s toil, don’t worry, but leave the results to God.

Family matters are concerns to God. Children are a heritage from Him. Solomon gave a simile to show that children are like arrows in a warrior’s hand. They offer security and happiness. Think of children who honor parents and God. Indeed, they bring their parents joy and they bring glory to God. And although it is not mentioned in this Psalm of Ascents, the implication is very strong from Solomon’s Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Children are definitely a blessing from the Lord, but parents have a responsibility to and for them. Just as the laborer is worthy of his hire in building a strong building, so parents are to bring up strong and responsible children. This psalm teaches us that we should take seriously matters of work and family. These are paramount concerns of our daily life, as we “ascend to worship.” God is ready to assist with these weighty and important aspects of our life.

c Ethelene Dyer Jones; Thursday, May 27, 2010